Have you ever had a knee-jerk reaction to something that was not at all proportionate to the situation? It happened to me yesterday. (It's happened before.) I just got pissy about something that shouldn't have bothered me at all. I just feel like things aren't the same anymore. Sometimes like I'm out there bobbing in the water. All alone.
I don't even know the details of the situation. Just my assumptions. And you know what they say about those.
I feel this desperate need to move on. Move away. Start over. Just leave these monkeys that are on my back. (Maybe find a nice zoo for them.) Isn't that what we should be able to do with our problems. Just drop them off somewhere?
Sometimes I just want to move far away with Mr. B and the kids. Our family. I love my family. They are my best thing right now. In more ways than they'll ever know.
I know that running from something is not the answer. Because in the new place, new problems will inevitably creep up.
I need the Lord to fix this for me. Change my heart. Help me deal. Show me where I'm supposed to be. Because right now - - it all feels wrong.
6 comments:
WOW! I am sorry! I hope things level out for you! I don't think you need to find zoo, really???
I have sooo been there. Seems like (for me) those feeling are sometimes justified, like God is stirring something in my heart and then it prepares me for a change. Then sometimes it is just feelings (which aren't anything) but just feelings. It is normal and it happens to me all the time. Don't float alone! I'll float with you. I am here for ya and I'll be praying for your situation. Love Ya!
I have also been there many of times. Hang in there. Your in my prayers
Gosh.. you're not alone.. that's for sure.. I think we all have thought that way... and some actually do it... It takes some serious strength thats for sure!!
Thanks, everyone.
Getting the monkey off my back - - a perpetual problem. Leaving them at the zoo was an attempt to make myself laugh about it. (Since the zoo is home to many real monkeys.) I wasn't talking about my kids or husband. Just in case that's what you thought I meant.
This is an issue I have struggled with for quite some time. (The issue that caused me to "snap" yesterday.)
I totally agree with you, Shawna. I am certain that God is preparing my heart for change.
Thanks for floating with me everyone. Floating and praying.
No, I really didn't think you meant your hubby & kiddos! Maybe I just didn't realize how much your heart is aching. For what it's worth, I am sorry that you're going through this.
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