Go look at...

...these.

I don't have time to post them again here.

*sniffle*

God is really, really, really good.

Happy Day!

First - - Happy Birthday, Justin!! My firstborn is 5 years old today. At this moment, five years ago, I was frantically trying to get all of the things done that were required of us for a homestudy. We left town around 3:30 and pulled up at the Holiday Inn in Tulsa, Oklahoma at 11:59. We spent one VERY sleepless night in the Holiday Inn.

The next morning, we went to breakfast (David ate, I couldn't), then we went to Wal-Mart to get a few necessities. We bought diapers, a few bibs and onesies, socks, bottles and burp rags.

Then it was off to the hospital for:


Also - - Happy Halloween.

See - - just a happy kind of day.

I did it!!

I joined.

It sucked taking the "walk of shame."

But I did it. And let me tell you this - - I am NOT sharing how much I weigh. Crap!!!! I've never weighed this much. Ever.

Get ready to start seeing less of me. I'm taking this beast head on.

Little Black Dress - - here I come.

Update!

Mr. B came home from work early. He's going to go pick Justin up.

I found my lifetime membership card and I'm headed out of the door.

*deep sigh*

Here goes...

Slight change of plans

I'm still going back to WW. But it looks like I won't go until Saturday to that meeting.

Justin is at a friend's house and I don't know when Mr. B will be home from work. I figure that this time, even though I know the program, I need to stay for the "Getting Started Session." I don't want to feel rushed. So - - Saturday morning it is.

Even harder. I used to lead that meeting. Dang. I started that meeting.

*sigh*

I am going to do this.

Thanks for the support everyone.

The encouragement - - thanks.

I am so apprehensive about going back to the meetings tonight. It's going to be hard to walk in those doors and join a meeting again. To walk through those doors as a former leader. And now - - just another woman who needs to lose weight.

I know it's the right thing to do.

It's just - - humiliating.

I've thought about being really bold and posting my weight on here. Just as some extra accountability. But that number. It's so high.

If I do it after tonight's meeting...no judging. Right? I'm not committing to that just yet. We'll see.

Okay - - I need to go clean something. I think it will help distract me.

A confession - - and a goal.

The confession - - I feel like a failure. Well, basically, I failed. I joined Weight Watchers around Easter of 2001. I'd made my goal by the first of November. I lost 28.6 pounds. I even became a leader.

Sound like success?

It would have been had I kept it off. And not added more to it.

I've basically been telling myself that my love for food (or whatever comfort I get from it) was greater than my love for health and just feeling good about myself.

Now - - I feel like a total failure. I've let it steadily get out of control. Please don't tell me I'm not a failure. I appreciate any of my friends trying to focus on just the positive for me. That's sweet.

But.

Well, more like butt. It's grown to ginormous size. I'm embarrassed to even be nakey around my own husband. I don't like looking at myself. I won't allow my picture to be taken.

What scares me? I don't want my kids to be embarrassed of me. I'm afraid they are going to start to notice. I want them to be proud of me. I want my husband to be proud of me. I want to feel pretty.

So, here's the plan.

Thursday - - I go back to Weight Watchers. I know the program works for me. I just need the weekly weigh in and the encouragement from the meetings. I need to find out "what's new" in the world of healthier choices. I'm going to set short term goals. I'm going to lose the weight and become an overall healthier person.

My visionary goal?

This:

I want to fit into something like this.

I am knocking on the door of 40. Yeah - - I'm only 37. I'll be 38 in February.

If not now, when? Start when I'm 38? 39? A few months of starving myself before my 40th? No. Now.

You are all invited to my 40th birthday extravaganza. I don't fear it. I'm going to embrace it.

I thank you in advance for your encouragement. It will help me just that much more. Ask me if I've weighed in for the week. Tell me about success menus and food items you've found that have helped you.

I'm sick of being uncomfortable in my own skin.

It's time to kick some fat.

They lost.

Oh well. It was a good game.

Just - - stuff.

Let's see. What can I talk about? I haven't posted yet today and I know that some of you are on the edge of your seat - - waiting to see what bits of wisdom might come spouting from me.

The thing is - - I have nothing profound to say today.

*gasp*

Are you guys okay? I thought I heard a thump. Did you pass out? Did sitting there, with your mouth all agape, with spittle dribbling from your lips cause your computer to short out? I was afraid so.

Let me ask you this? Are you ready for some basketball? The Spurs season begins tonight. This is where the W's and the L's really count. Tonight - - they take on the Phoenix Suns. (Shaq. Blech. I wonder how many time's we'll hear the phrase "Hack-a-Shaq?") Anyway - - the game will be aired on ESPN. And as luck would have it, we have that channel in HD. So - - WOO HOO!!!!! It's on. I am ready for some basketball. The game starts at 7:00 and we won't get home from church until 7:35 or so. Thank goodness for the DVR. We can watch it from the start and hopefully skip right through a few commercials.

I'm so excited.

Admit it. You're jealous of me.

I figured it out!!

It's not just the smell of Gain that I love so much. It's when I do a load of whites and add bleach to it.

It's so fresh, sterile, crisp...

And thanks to the makers of Afrin, I *can* smell the load that just finished.

Thank you, Afrin. And Gain. And whoever made bleach. Thank you.

Phone calls that have changed my life - Part 2

If you haven't read the entry before this one, go read it first. Okay. It's just below this one. Then come back and read this one.

9. Her water broke! That's right. Baby boy number 2 was on his way. I'd just popped my Ambien and was headed to bed. We had to pack and drive to Tulsa. Luckily, our family in Tulsa happened to be staying with us. So, they kept Justin and we headed to meet our baby. We didn't get there in time. (His birthmother had given me permission to be in the delivery room with her.) But - - Cameron decided he was in such a hurry to meet us that he came three weeks early. We held our new bundle of joy in our arms later that afternoon. He was so tiny. And perfect.

10. This one is so much more vivid to me. I think because it was so "out of nowhere." Cameron, we were expecting. Justin, on the other hand - - well let's just say, we had no idea. I had gone to work and Mr. B had just flown back into town the night before. I was at work, by myself. At 8:30 a.m., the call came that rocked my world. It was my brother. It went something like this:

Me: Edward Jones Investments
Baby Bro: Becky?
Me: Yes....
Baby Bro: Hey, ummmm (I could tell he was crying.)
Me: Are you okay?
Baby Bro: It's not me. It's fine. It's all real fine. Are you sitting down?

Every hair on my body stood straight up and I got chills.

You see, I'd just met an attorney the weekend before and had a really good feeling about our plans to adopt. I never dreamed it would happen this fast.

Me: What? (I sat down.)
Baby Bro: There's a baby. Being born right now. You need to call your lawyer and get the details. She wants to know if you guys want the baby or not.

Why had my brother called me? Our attorney was panicked and couldn't remember our phone number. She knew to call Baby Bro and he'd find me.

VERY long story short - - a birthmom called our attorney, en route to the hospital to deliver. No pre-natal care, nothing. More details about the woman, blah, blah, blah. Did we want the baby? I needed to find Mr. B and find him fast. Time was ticking. I finally found him. He thought I was kidding. I just remember him saying "What?" over and over and over. That followed by, "YES!!!"

We called family, friends, our local attorney and jumped through our butts to get a homestudy done. We were being finger-printed at the police station (for the criminal background check) when we found out it was a boy.

We arrived in Tulsa at midnight. We met Justin the next morning. I could go on and on about that. Maybe later.

Don't get me wrong. Cameron's arrival was just as important. He was more "planned." So it's just not as attention grabbing as, "boom, here's a baby."

I will say this about #9 and 10 - - they both make #11 seem so small. So insignificant.

11. The call from the fertility center telling me that the invitro failed. Not pregnant.

That call's pain was greatly diminished with the birth of our two sons. God had great plans for us. He wants the best for us. At the time, I didn't understand. All I could see was the "here and now." He saw the whole picture.

We are a family blessed by adoption. Really, really blessed.

God is good.

Phone calls that have changed my life

Sound crazy?

To be honest, I'm not a big phone talker. I never have been. (My dad would probably argue. Circa 1988) That was then. Plus, no interwebs back then. I just don't talk much on the phone. I say what I need to say and I'm done. Maybe it's Mr. B rubbing off on me. He's the same way.

Anyway - - many of you know what I'm referring to here. I just thought I'd recap some of the life-changing phone calls I've had.

1. Really, 1 - 4. The death, or impending death, of each of my grandparents. I remember each one. One, I didn't make it to the hospital in time. That was my George. My grandmother. The one that I see more of myself in every day. Then my Memow. My other grandmother. She was in another town. I remember hoping my dad could make it to her in time. Then my Opa. My buddy. Alzheimer's had gotten him and I'd really lost him long before he actually passed away. Then there was GrandDaddy. *sniffle* I was able to be with him when he slipped from this earth and into our Father's arms. That call came early in the morning. I was able to spend the day with him and visit with him one last time. It was beautiful.

5. Then there was Tullie. He was my college boyfriend. The one I *knew* I'd marry. He broke up with me on the phone. (The coward.) He had just graduated from college and I had another year and a half to go. He was supposed to come visit me. I'd cleaned house, gotten time off of work. It was perfect. Then he dumped me. I. Was. Crushed. I got really sick after that one. I took some time off of work and just sulked. Well, layed out by the pool, didn't eat or drink anything, used no sunscreen, cried uncontrollably and got really dehydrated. It was vicious.

6. Tullie is a pilot in the U.S.A.F. I think he flies those re-fueling jets. Anyway, I remember him calling me (after we'd broken up). I answered and I heard, "Who do you know that might be in Saudi Arabia?" My heart melted. Just idle chit-chat. At the time, it was good to know that he was thinking of me.

7. Hearing of my brother's heart attack. I don't even like talking about this one. Luckily, he was okay. But it scared the ever-livin' out of all of us!

8. The birth of my first nephew - - Brado. My arms ached to hold him. I was so pumped to be an aunt. Finally. I remember jumping up and down in my parent's living room.

9 & 10 get a post of their own. I'm sure you can guess.

Stay tuned.

The playlist

I was in a "movie genre" mood.

Music inspires me. It makes me want to get up and move. It takes the boredom out of mundane tasks.

I've mentioned before that I am particularly fascinated with soundtracks and scores. I think I know why. It takes me to that particular place and time. It's kind of like living out fantasies. I often go to sleep listening to Legends of the Fall, The Tudors, Unfaithful or Pearl Harbor. All fantastic scores. In my opinion. I don't listen to musicals at bedtime. I get too wound up and want to stand up on the bed and break into chorus. Mr. B already thinks I'm a freak. No sense giving him a cause to put the local coo-coo house on speed dial.

Anyway, without further ado, tonight's cleaning list:

If You Leave - Pretty in Pink
Let's Go Crazy - Purple Rain
Purple Rain - Purple Rain (that song is good, but too long)
It Had to Be You - When Harry Met Sally
Don't You (Forget About Me) - Breakfast Club
Footloose - Footloose
It Must've Been Love - Pretty Woman
You're So Vain - How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
All That Jazz - Chicago
Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Stepmom
Man in Motion - St. Elmo's Fire
Iris - City of Angels

Great stuff. I didn't finish all of them. I'm listening now. (I didn't want you to think that my kitchen was that bad.)

About to do the dishes

Let's see, what kind of music am I interested in tonight? I think I need to create a house-cleaning playlist.

I'll do that after I clean. Otherwise, I'll never get it done.

Stay tuned.

(This is not my t.v. night. It's Mr. B's night. And I'm bored.)

Poop

Well - - we made it nearly five years without poo in the tub.

Tonight, Cam dropped a deuce in the bathtub. (Justin has never done this.)

I've never been so disgusted in all of my life. He had floaters all around him. *wretch* Before I knew what had happened, he'd slammed his face down in the water. *wretch*

That was gross.

Good hit.

It burned. But it was a nice hit.

Crisp Fall Morming

After missing nearly the entire week because of being sick, both boys went back to preschool today. They actually had to wear pants, too. It was chilly this morning!

I'm taking a little break right now. Lots of picking up to do today. Mondays always seem to be that way. No twenty minute cleaning sessions though. I don't have that much energy.

I don't really have anything exciting or of interest to report. I'm sorry. If anything fun happens today, I'll be certain to let you know.

Back to work!

Awwwwww Crap!

That's right. I've used again. I'm snorting Afrin up my nose. And I'm chugging Nyquil. I think the boys and their sporadic hygiene while they were sick finally caught up with me. I feel like a ginormous pile of doo. Ugh.

Found him...

He was in the next door neighbor's backyard. Their large dog had him up a tree. Mr. B had to get a ladder out to save him.

Moe is traumatized. Mommy is traumatized.

I just want to sleep and cuddle with my little Mo-Mo.

*hugs*

Good night!

Moe

I can't find him. I've walked up and down the alley and the street. With a flashlight. I even poured food into his bowl. This is not like him. I'm worried. And I'm very sad. Send out your "Moe come home" vibes.

*sniffle*

Homecoming

Remember these? As a kid, even high-schooler, I was into them. Every year, they got bigger and more obnoxious. I loved it. The one my boyfriend in high school gave me was quite large. It's a shame I could only wear it to school. (I was school mascot and it wouldn't have worked on my costume.)

Anyway, last night was Anytown, USA's homecoming. (Total mistake trying to eat out near the stadium. Meh. Lesson learned.) We saw some mums. It's funny now, how they are, well, funny. At the time though, I thought I was a total bad-ass. Rightfully so. I was. I digress.

We saw some in Hasting's, too. During game time. On twenty-somethings. Seriously. I was like, hmmmm. Don't you dateless wonders have a game to attend? Then Mr. B said that they probably bought their own mums.

Why wear them if you aren't going? Why, in your twenties, would you be caught dead in them when you aren't at the function supporting said obnoxiousness?

Oh well. I'm sure they had a blasty-blast doing whatever.

Let me see if I can find a picture of me in my mum. Hmmmm...

To the Commies that stole from my yard...

I'm still voting for him. Neener, neener.

Bring back my sign, Commie. Or I'm going to have to personally borrow a handgun from Gov. Palin and defend my homestead. You trespassed. Then you stole. Criminal.

Sewing on Paper

It's the trend in scrapbooking. Again. I think I'll give it a whirl. I got the sewing machine out. Now I'm going to dust it off and do some practice pages.

(Did I mention that today was mi madre's birthday?)

Bummer on missing the concert tonight. The kids are doing MUCH better. Whew. I'm hoping everyone goes to school tomorrow.

Okay - - I'm out.

Smooches.

Competition

A couple of days ago, Mr. B received the following e-mail. How am I supposed to compete with this?

hey;) how are you?) do you have a second?)... i have not boyfriend(( I very want to meet real men...which will know woman's need ...like in a cinema ... you know)))) lets chat!) i am pretty girl)) I have a lot of time for meetings and if you have any ideas how to spend it with me...
just email me back at CAROL@GoldenTTamil.com and i will reply back with some nice ;) photos with me ...and maybe, you will want to write me again)))

Back off, Carol. He's mine.

*snicker*

Pouting

Who is pouting? Me. That's who.

Why?

My kids sound like at any moment they could cough up a lung. They are doing fine during the day. But at night - - oh my. At 3:00 this morning, I wrapped Justin in a blanket and took him outside in the cool air. That's what Dr. P said to do. And I'll be danged - - it worked!

I'm pouting because Mr. B and I had to cancel our plans for tonight. We were supposed to go to the West Texas Rehab Center's dinner show. The entertainment? Ronnie Milsap. I was really looking forward to going. I always love the dinner show and I was pumped about RM. It takes me way back. I remember a certain family vacation where we listened to a CD of his. The. Entire. Way. Both ways. I know every word to most of his songs. I was *so* excited about going.

We just can't leave the kids with anyone. Not only is it not fair to the people keeping them, it's not fair to our kids. When they don't feel good, they need Mommy and Daddy.

So - - social stuff takes a back burner to parenting. That's the way it should be.

I'm still bummed though.

Mother of the Year

No, not me. Silly! I mean, I know that I rock and all, but...

This post is not about me. It's about my friend. My mother. Thursday is Mom's birthday. I would be completely remiss if I didn't give a shout out to her. (And give those of you that know her, the opportunity to do the same!)

Mom - - Happy Birthday! Thank you for loving me when I'm un-loveable. You are the best Mom a girl could ask for. I love you.

My Boys

Aren't they sweet?

Enter cold season.

However, you are not welcome at my house.

Stupid colds. I hate these.

Sleepless nights. Whiny miniature men. (They learn the pathetic sick thing early.)

At least Dr. P saw both bunny rabbits in both ears of both boys. No antibiotics here. Whew.

So - - it was over to Wal-Mart to pick up some more cold medicine and a small box of Legos.

On a good note - - Egg Nog is back! Sweet. And I found Pumpkin Pie Spice coffee creamer. Something nice in my otherwise ugly day.

You are going to wish you were me...

...we get to go to the Pediatrician's office at 10:30 today. Both kids. They are coughing and hacking like crazy.

Joy.

Halloween

Oh yes. The holiday season is upon us. We will start out with Halloween.

Can you name the black sheets in your family? I can think of a handful. The fitted sheet, the loose sheet, then the blanket. All black. With a little luck, we will be able to avoid them for most of the holidays.

Oh - - and if you don't know who the black "sheet" is in your family...uh oh.

Just as I suspected

I am finding every reason under the sun to *not* go to bed. I don't even want to close my eyes.

I make light of a lot of stuff around here. But dangit - - my kids and my husband are my life.

Today. Scared. Me.

I know it's all okay. And the what-ifs didn't happen. But they could have.

Here's to a drug induced sleep.

Where to start?

This has been one unbelievable day. To say the least.

Justin's birthday party was today. And we were having a blast.

Two of our guests were a little late. When they came in (with *one* of their mothers) and explained why - - my heart melted. No. It broke. The mom of the *other* little girl had just, a couple of hours previously, lost her friend. Her good friend (and running partner) was hit by a car this morning and was killed. She leaves behind two children. I'm not sure of their ages. I'm thinking 10 & 6. Just like that. Gone.

What's worse? We know the driver of the car.

It's a terrible, terrible tragedy.

Then - -

Cameron got lost. At the mall. I'm not even kidding. Our party was at Neon Jungle, an indoor miniature golf place, which is located at one of the entrances of our mall. It has black lighting in there. So - - it's dark. We were packing up to leave. Mr. B had taken a load out to the van. He got back, I looked up, and I asked, "Where's Cameron?" I figured, he's in here somewhere. We looked. Everywhere. Bathrooms, behind the curtains, behind counters. Gone.

I couldn't breathe. Mr. B and Susan dashed out into the mall. Asking along the way if anyone had seen a three year old little boy. When the mall security man asked me for a description of him - - I lost it.

It seemed like an eternity. A police man found him at the end of the mall. He had wandered all of the way down there. (For you locals, he was down by Penney's.) All by himself. No tears. Nothing. Just checking things out.

I wanted to throw up. We were right there by the entrance. The mall is located on a major loop in our town. Just like that. He could have been gone forever.

Thank God. Thank God nothing happened to him. He is safe and home with us. I never want to feel that again. That was sickening.

To the people I overheard saying that someone should have been watching him - - you think? I know. I know! Not the most sensitive thing to say in the presence of a frantic mommy. And they knew I was the mommy. (I think that was abundantly clear.)

Whew. I hope I can sleep. Rest assured, I'll be giving him an extra kiss tonight. I think I'll go do that now.

Go kiss your kids, too. Sleeping or awake. Old or young. If they live in your house, give them an extra hug or kiss tonight. There are two other kids in this town that I'm sure would love a kiss from their mommy tonight. And one mommy that is grateful to be able to do it.

I'm home.

Well. I survived. I didn't go in until nearly 3:30. You can imagine how thirsty and hungry I had gotten by then.

I was fine until they took me back to the G.I. Lab. As they started to prep me, I started to cry. Just nervous tears. I felt bad for doing that. I remember gagging a little as they did the endoscope. I hated that. It's a faint memory though. Then there was the reaming out of the bottom floor. I remember some of that, too. I remember saying ouch and moaning.

They took me back to the room and got me settled in. A few minutes later, they brought me a diet coke. It was SO good.

The doctor finally came by and gave us the report. He said that my colon looked fine. And no stomach ulcers either. There were a couple of red spots that they decided to biopsy. Just to be safe. We'll know the results to those in a few days. He didn't think it would be any big deal. He did confirm IBS. I already suspected that. He said he'd talk to me about it in more detail in a few days. (I was kind of loopy then.)

So. That's it. I'm home. And I'm still loopy. I ate a cheeseburger, fries and am drinking a diet coke. Ahhhh....

Thanks for your support and prayers.

<3,

B

Bottom's Up!!

Today is the day. I'm all cleaned out and ready for the probing to begin.

I really appreciate the prayers. I feel them. I *really* feel them.

I've had nothing to eat or drink since midnight and I'm doing great. Don't get me wrong. I'd love a cup of coffee. I just hope the schedule at the hospital is running on time. I am looking forward to a nice meal later today. (I hope I get to do that!)

Thanks, everyone. I love you guys!! I have the best fans ever!

{Woah.}

You have *no* idea how bad my bottom hurts.

I am so hungry. I could totally nosh on some crackers right now. I can have something to drink. It's just that the thought of guzzling anything more is somewhat repulsive to me.

I am drained. *more giggling* (Okay, admit it. That was funny.)

I never in a million years dreamed that this much fluid would pour out of my bum. In the bathroom, I'm certain I sound like a drunk cowboy taking a whiz at the rodeo. It's like a fire hose. Sheesh.

**Excuse me for a minute.**





Oh help. When will it end. End. Heh. Hind end.

I really appreciate all of you well-wishers. It means a lot to me. Please keep praying. The procedure is tomorrow afternoon. (I understand I won't feel a thing. I better not!!) I'll be at day surgery. If anything - - some good drugs. Cool.

Susan - - thank you for your help with the boys today. Really, really - - thank you.

Alright. I'm going to attempt a beverage. I'll check in tomorrow before I go.

Ciao.

The Devil's Nectar

Somebody shoot me now.

The mixed solution wasn't too bad. (It wasn't too good either.) It had three different flavor packets I could choose from to add to it. Cherry (gross), orange or lemon-lime. I chose the lemon-lime. I think it was around a gallon of that stuff I had to guzzle.

Now I'm on to the Magnesium Citrate. The sparkling laxative. I am choking it down. 10 ounces of it and then an hour later, 10 more.

Sparkling my arse.

*wretch*

Holy crap!

I can't stay and chat.

There is water pouring out of my arse.

I am so glad the kids and Mr. B aren't here. This is - - humiliating.

Oh - - gotta go!

It begins.

Nupercainal. For my sore bottom later.

I'll take my two pills at noon. And wait for the poo to begin.

After that, I start drinking the "Half-Lightly." I have to drink 8 ounces every ten minutes. It's been chilling in the fridge since last night.

So has the Ginger Ale. I'm having a glass of that right now. I've had one hunger pain come and go. I can do this.

15 more minutes of solid food...

I shall scarf on some goldfish crackers.

I'm wasting time.

Go.

BIG weekend for me

Okay. So. I haven't divulged this piece of information to very many people yet. Why? I don't know. It's not a badge of honor I plan on wearing. It's something I have to do. Something I'm a little afraid of. But - - something I'm going to do my best to handle with some humor.

Friday I am having an endoscopy and colonoscopy. There. I said it.

I am terrified of two things. One - - the prep work for the colonoscopy. Oh sweet heavens. This is pretty involved and is going to involve much pooping. Much. Everything will be super-cleansed when I'm done.

My second fear is that the doctor's will actually find something wrong with me. Like bad stuff. I want to get to the root of my problem. But I want it to be something simple and treatable. I know I'm in the Lord's hands. His plan is perfect for me and anything less than that isn't the best. However, I'm still human.

What is wrong with me you ask? Remember back when the doc thought I might have a gall bladder problem? It wasn't my gall bladder. I still suffer from nausea after eating - - sometimes. And I have extreme tenderness in my abdomen. They want to get in there and look around. From both ends.

What does this mean for you? If you are easily grossed out, don't read my blog for the next couple of days. You, my fans, are going to vicariously experience the procedure with me. Only you don't have to drink the stuff and experience the wicked poo part. You just get to read about how much fun it's going to be for me.

Sound like a blasty-blast?

So come along. Journey with me through my colon cleansing. It should be some good times.

(By the way - - you may want to pray more for Susan. She is keeping both kids for me tomorrow afternoon and then keeping them overnight and taking them to school Friday. I will be bogarting the toilet tomorrow and might be less than patient. It's better for the kids and me if they are elsewhere. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Susan!!)

Okay. Tune in tomorrow. (Admit it. You can't wait. Can you?)

Confessional

Okay. *sigh* I have to confess something embarrassing.

I watch re-runs of Beverly Hills 90210. And Little House on the Prairie.

I feel better just saying it. Thanks in advance for not judging me.

Cool feature

Scroll down to the bottom of my page for some Halloween tunes. Enjoy.

Weird night

It's been strange, to say the least.

1. We had Justin sit on the potty until he pooped. (He withholds, shame ensues, it's an ugly thing.) I thought he had pooped and then flushed it. This will come in to play in a bit.

2. Mr. B was sleep talking again a minute ago. He mentioned something about a Fed IBM and how fun that would be. I hope I misunderstood him. OMG OMG OMG! What if Mr. B is really a CIA agent? I'm just stupid enough not to pick up on it. Is it wrong that I'd be totally turned on by that? Unless he has another family or something.

3. Justin did not poop. As mentioned above. He waited until later and save the poo for his nice clean drawers. We couldn't find the said drawers after he was on the potty wiping. Where are they? He fessed up. He flushed them. He didn't want us to see poo on his drawers. So he flushed them. Great. My guess is we will see them someday. The question is when. When will the roto-rooter dude have to make stop at Casa B?

4. I was looking for Moe. He is my snuggle bunny and I need him. I'm ready for bed. I didn't see him out back, so I went out front. I came within 10 feet of a couple of deer in my front yard. They started snorting at me so I got the hell out of there. I need to check and see if I still have skin on the bottoms of my feet. I peeled out. (Maybe I should check my drawers, too.) I finally found Moe out back. The stinker.

Wow. What a strange night. Weird, wild stuff!

Collateral Damage

Parenting. Okay. Of course there was a method to the madness. I appreciate everyone's remarks. Here are my thoughts.

Under ideal circumstances, a child should have a father and a mother. I am not naive enough to believe that every situation is ideal. I am a realist.

I understand that biology does not make one a parent. (I am thankful for this one.)

I also realize that divorce is a reality. And so is re-marriage.

The question is - - where does parenting fit in to all of this? I've known of situations where moms and dads who split up do the best they can for their children. And unfortunately, I know of situations where the complete and total, polar opposite exists. Children are used as weapons. They are put on the back burner at a time when they need to be a priority. Dating commences and eventually re-marriage. Not always. But sometimes. Blended families.

I could go on and on.

I know this - - I would go to the mats for both of my children. And so would Mr. B. We both serve different roles in their lives. We love them equally. I am not vain enough to believe that I am more important than him. I provide different things than he does. That just goes with me being a woman and him being a man. My nurturing instincts are different than his.

I guess where I am going is this - - I will always be a mother to my children. And Mr. B. will always be a father. Period. I would never have it any other way.

With God's guidance - - we will do this together. I am thankful to have him. And Him.

I'm just sad for the children who are the collateral damage of two grown ups who just don't know how to be parents. Really, two grown ups who aren't grown ups at all. It's just - - sad.

Let it be known...

...I am not interested in being an alibi.

That is all.

Wow.

What a whirlwind of a few days!

I had zero plans of going on a scrapbook retreat this past weekend. Zero. We had nothing planned. We were just going to hang out. We had talked about camping locally. Just to do it. But then - - bam - - my phone rang at 1:30 with an offer to retreat for half price. Who am I to say no? Well, small road bump. I had to ask Mr. B if it was okay. He okay'd it.

So - - I threw some stuff together, finished putting laundry away and I was on the road.

I am so glad I went. I had a great time scrapping. And the food there. Wow. Great stuff. There was some pumpkin cheesecake that was to die for. I'm getting the recipe for that and making it for Thanksgiving. Scratch the buttermilk pie this year. This is the year of the pumpkin for me.

I got home around 5:30 last night. I was (and still am) exhausted. I want to address some of the stuff that's been posted around here. It's just that right now - - I do not have the energy. I'm going to pour me a cup of coffee and chill for a bit.

Happy Monday, everyone. Happy Monday!!

On your mark, get set...

PACK!!!

Very last minute. Like I found out at 1:30 today. A spot came open for the scrapbook retreat in Weatherford this weekend. Did I want it?

Enter the best husband in the world. He okay'd it.

I'm leaving in ten minutes.

So, so, so awesome.

I'll check back in Monday. I'm not even taking my laptop.

I'm off to have a blasty-blast with my scrapbooking buddies.

Toodles.

It's time.

Let the power cleaning begin.

Twenty minutes.

Go...

Parenting

Do you think one parent is more important than the other?

Please discuss.

The stock market...

When will it quit dropping? This is getting kind of spooky. I know that you don't lose money if you don't sell. But...

It skeers me. I think Great Depression. Will it get that bad?

Discuss.

Everyone beware...

Pre-season starts today.
I. Can't. Breathe.

Homework? He's 3!

Cam brought home his first homework today. Justin is going to be so jealous. Justin wants to know why he doesn't have any homework yet. Dan does. Not him. And "it's not fair." Little man, you have plenty of homework in your future. Enjoy the delay. Cam - - we've got "C's" to trace and they are due Friday morning. Homework. That sounds crazy.

On another note - - I got my XM back today. Ahhhhh. I missed it so much. I'd been holding out for a good deal. I got a heck of one today. Ask me about it. I was about to give up. And then today, my luck changed. Life is good.

Also, I made another good hit on Mob Wars and collected a huge bounty. That's right. I'm a bad ass.

Tonight - - I am beat. I've had an emotional couple of days and *finally* feel better about some stuff. Finally. Sometimes it really sucks being a girl. I *never* see Mr. B cry because he's having a bad time. Lucky.

To bed. (Susan - - I'm leaving some dishes in the sink tonight! *gasp* I'm too tired to do them. They'll be there in the morning.) Everyone - - be looking for my twenty minute power cleaning sessions tomorrow. Join me if you can. It's refreshing.

Toodles.

Someone explain this...

The following is taken from an article on msn.com. The link is messed up, so I found it and pasted it here.




Black-Eyed Tease: We're not sure what scares us the most about "Gossip Girl" starlet Taylor Momsen: Her jagged blond shag, which appears to have been cut by Courtney Love with some styling tips from the denizens of Fraggle Rock; her smoldering, kohl-slathered eyes, which would... more make even a mascara-addicted raccoon recoil in horror; her abbreviated strapless dress, which is about half an inch from revealing parts we'd rather not see from the cutie-pie kid who starred in "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"; or her birth date, which proves that far from being the hard-living 35-year-old this edgy look implies, she's just barely 15. Yes, 15, as in 1-5, as in, forget what we said at the beginning about not being sure what scares us the most. We're now sure. Really, really sure.


Discuss.

Too much Noggin?

Actually - - I love candy corn. But I love this song, too. Total brain worm.

Last name, First name

I like to snoop around and gather information. It's interesting what 's out there in public court records. Online. Very interesting. And sometimes pretty funny.

There I admitted it. Confession is good for the soul.

Handling it with grace...

...or drugs. I weathered the storm just fine. As it turns out, it was no big thang. It usually isn't. It's the one or two times in my life that it has been a big deal that I remember. I remember it every time the radar looks like a gay pride parade. That wide array of colors sends me running around looking for my bra. I will NOT be the hick on the national news wearing a wife beater and no bra talking about the freight train headed straight for me.

My day started out pretty crappy but has made a turn for the better. I found some cool Lincoln Logs at Sam's. The kids (and us parents) are loving them. I got the liner for my shower AND this:


If you can't see it, that's Snickerdoodle Blue Bell ice cream. Sweet. Fancy. Moses. It is good.

Now - - I am going to spend 20 minutes straightening up around here. That is all. I'm going to put on my mp3 player and dance while I clean. I don't care what I look like while I'm doing it. I fully expect Mr. B to not even notice. (He is watching Heroes. Blah.) There is no reason housework can't be fun. Tonight, the playlist is as follows:

Rag Doll - - Aerosmith
Harder to Breathe - - Maroon 5
I Kissed a Girl - - Katy Perry
Crocodile Rock - - yes. Elton John
So What - - Pink
Bang Your Head - - Quiet Riot
Low - - FloRida **me singing** "Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur..."
It's Tricky - - Run DMC
Here I Go Again - - Whitesnake (I so want to be that tramp on the hood of the car.)
Still of the Night - - Whitesnake
Jump - - Van Halen
Don't 'Cha - - Pussycat Dolls
Pour Some Sugar on Me - - Def Leppard
Let's Get Rocked - - Def Leppard
Welcome to the Jungle - - Guns 'N Roses

Oh my - - that's way more than 20 minutes worth.

Wow - - it's quite a list. Some naughty stuff on there, huh? *giggle* I'm a cheeky monkey. Hey, it's on my mp3 player, I'm not piping it in the kids room or anything.

I'm pumped. Cleaning rocks. LMAO!! Pun intended.

Peace.

Storm Alert

I lost my other picture when my computer crashed. I found this one to replace it. For any newbie followers - - when I post this picture - - I am without courage. I am raving, crazy. It means there is a storm approaching or it is here. Simple rain? No. I welcome simple rain with gentle thunder. What freaks me out? West Texas Thunderstorms. They have horrific winds, large hail, tornadoes and heavy bouts of rain. I have been known to pull stuff out of my closet like a crazy woman. I must have refuge from the storm.

Tonight, I don't have the energy for this storm. When Mr. B first showed me the radar, I nearly peed my pants. Thank goodness it's bedtime. I popped an Ambien and I'm gonna sleep this one out. If the alarms sound, I'll panic then.

I did, however, straighten the living room and start a load of laundry. (I clean like crazy when it storms.) Tonight - - no. I need to put my headphones on with my relaxation music. I need to get to my happy place and get there fast.

Thank goodness for the smell of Gain and Bleach. Now if the laundry would do itself, I would have the perfect trifecta.

Smooches.

Better, but not healed.

Okay. God bless muscle relaxers.

I am a little better today. Not quite as sensitive. Talk about a lesson learned the hard way...

Tonight is Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters. Yay!!! My favorite television night. Even better than Thursdays.

I completed a mob hit on Facebook today. The bounty was just over a billion dollars. That's right - - I rock. I'm feared over there now. Bwahahaha!! If you are on Facebook - - join me. Or I'll come after you. That's right. Fear me or join me. You don't want to be on my bad side. I bought 10 more casinos and some grenade launchers today. It's getting serious. Wanna play?

The kids are watching The Great Pumpkin right now. I love that show. I love fall.

I don't love Wheezer. She peed on my kindness again. Who keeps letting her inside? Can I put a hit out on a cat? Any takers? She's old and a little arthritic. Should be an easy kill. Baby Bro - - this sounds like a job for you.

*sigh*

This sucks. $75 to feel like complete and total crap.

I think I'll sleep on the couch tonight. It's softer than my bed.

*really, pathetic whimper*

Okay - - I would be completely remiss if I didn't mention my outing today.

Mr. B took our shower doors off. They were AWFUL. He refused to put them back on. He really wants to rip that thing out and tile. We can't find the right tile. Anyhoo - - he said to just get a shower curtain for now. Okay. No problem.

My bad.

I left and went to:

Bed, Bath & Beyond - - Uh, no. I'm not paying that much for a shower curtain. A temporary shower curtain.

Target - - those buttheads just teased me. I found the display of the one I wanted. Did they have it in stock? No.

Wal-Mart - - I got a shower curtain rod there. That's all I'm saying about that.

J.C. Penney - - What? Where is all of their stuff? *raspberry* Bupkis. Zero. Zilch. Nada. (I did see the cops there. Shoplifter maybe?)

Sears - - my last ditch effort. I'll say this. I am NOT paying $40 for a shower curtain. A *temporary* shower curtain. So, I paid $10 for a liner and $8 for rings. Wonderful. And it's a fabric liner. Our floor is going to look like crap. Now - - I need to go and get a vinyl liner to put on the other side of the cloth one. Great. Just great.

What did Mr. B and I decipher from all of this? That we need to re-paint our bathroom a neutral color. Something that will go with the tile that is out there now. I know. I had really branched out there adding color to my walls. Right now - - the plan is to leave the color in the living room. But the green in the bathroom has got to go. I think we are going to remove the "popcorn" ceiling in there, too. Why not, we are going to take the carpet up and tile. This will be our test room.

Remodeling. *another raspberry.* Shawna - - will you come be Mrs. B for the remodel? You rock at it. I HATE this stuff.

Okay - - meds are kicking in. Time to fix my bed. Of course, I'll be up peeing most of the night. I've been guzzling the water. No Diet Coke w/Splenda today. I told you I felt bad.

It should not be this way.

I am in pain. Serious pain.

Last night - - I went in for my massage. He says, "deep tissue, right?" I said yes. What the heck was I thinking? I've never had a deep tissue massage. Ever. Today - - even my clothes touching my shoulders hurts. Seriously.

This is all wrong. I should not be in pain like this.

I will never get a deep tissue massage again. And I'm not throwing around the use of the word "never." I know how that usually works out. I mean it.

Remedies anyone? I think I have some seriously bruised muscles.

*whimper*

He sleeps...

Fabulous evening. Time together. Alone with each other. Snuggled up on the couch watching a movie.

It really was the best date possible.

I love him. I really, really love him.

"I got geen beans on it..."

Cam has been playing out in the backyard. He loves it out there.

He just came inside and this was the conversation that ensued:

Cam: (pointing to the ice in my cup) I need that. My tongue is hot.

Me: What? Your tongue is hot?

Cam: Yeah. My tongue is hot. See?

Me: No, I don't see. Stick your tongue out.

Cam: (sticks tongue out) Thee it?

Me: No. Why is it hot?

Cam: I got geen beans on it.

Me: You've got what on it?

Cam: Geen beans. I got geen beans on it.

Then it clicks. Mr. B grows jalapenos in our backyard. Jalapenos of the super hot variety.

Me: Show me what you are talking about.

We go outside.

Cam: There. (As he picks up a freshly picked jalapeno off of the ground.)

Me: Did you bite that?

Cam: Yes. It hot. Geen beans is hot.



Mmmmmmkay. Guess he'll think twice before taking a nibble out of those geen beans again.

Mr. B

He's not too pumped about the kiss & snap. I wonder why? *eyeroll* "That sounds like a lot of driving around." Party pooper. I know what he's thinking. Massage - - then come home and relax. I get that. I'm okay with that. But listen up Mr. B - - we are SO doing that kiss & snap thing another time. I. Mean. It.

Oh - - Abby - - no anniversary. Just quality time with Mr. B. Yay!!!!

And Yoda - - think commune. I'm so there. I would book massages for you. And make you go.

The kids are at school and I did most of my cleaning yesterday. So - - I'm going to shut this thing off and work on that zoo album that I can't seem to finish. I'm so close. I'm this >*< close.

Alrighty my loves - - I'm out.

*Kiss it, kiss it, don't snap it*

So far...

I decided we both *really* need massages. So - - I booked Mr. B one for 3:30 with his favorite therapist. He really needs it and I'm shocked that she had an opening. I called him and told him he had to take off of work early tomorrow. He REALLY deserves that. I couldn't get mine until 5:00 at another spa. Oh well. I figure that will give me time to deliver the children to their holding facility for the evening. Plus - - I get to get my massage from a guy I really like and used to go to a lot. Yay!!

I want to do the Kiss and Snap thing. So cool! I've come up with about 8 places. He can think of a couple himself. I hope he goes for this. We have a tripod and a remote control for our camera.

I am so excited that this is all coming together.

About dinner. I really need to keep it light. I don't need to be all bloated and gross feeling later. (Tee hee hee!!!) Was that too much information? Sorry Mom. And Baby Bro. :-)

Yoda is the big winner today. That Kiss & Snap thing rocks. I don't care where you got the idea. It is new to me. So - - enjoy the card! I'll give it to you soon. Enjoy your hot cider or chocolate. (Yoda doesn't do coffee.)

I'm out.

*Kiss it, kiss it, snap it!!*

I need some help!

Mr. B & I are supposed to have date night tomorrow night. We have *overnight* childcare lined up for the kids. Overnight! We've done that maybe three times in their whole life. So - - we need this.

This is where I need help. I have NO idea what to do. Well, other than... *giggle* That's obvious. We need NO help with that. Thanks.

I need help with the date part. I've already tried to line up two massage therapists to come to the house and do the couple's massage thing. No dice. It's too late notice now and everyone is booked. Plus - - they don't exactly get too jazzed about going to someone's house they don't know. Go figure. (We are not kinky or ax murderers or anything!)

What can we do? Mr. B *HATES* going to the movies and I'm not too pumped about going to the bowling alley. Dirty shoes, smoke filled air... no thanks.

I'm going to make it a contest. Come up with an idea for us. Keep in mind, we live in Sticksville, USA. So it needs to be somewhat creative. If we choose your date idea, I'll send you a $10 gift card to Starbucks. How's that?

I'm on a serious time crunch here. So help!!!!

Post a comment on this blog entry to be eligible.

Thanks, Fans!!!!

I. Can't. Breathe.

I assure you - - you will laugh. Hard.

This makes me think of Patrick. He taught a group of us how to do the Electric Slide in college. It was in a friend's garage. The "kum-ba-yah" group were out in the front yard - - singing acoustic songs. The rest of us rebels were in the garage dancing. We didn't go to bars - - so this was our choice. It *pains* me to admit it.

I later took at Kinesiology class with Patrick. It was an elective and it was dance. There were *way* more girls than guys in there. I was so thankful to have one of my BFF's boyfriends in there with me. The girls left without a partner had to dance with other girls. I had Patrick. The first day, we learned the Teton Mountain Stomp. I can still see Patrick doing it. It makes me laugh my butt off. Just the image. Amy - - tell Patrick thanks. Those were some good times.

And now - - for your viewing pleasure...

All I did...

...was clean the kitchen. And put patches on the kids' AWANA vests. That's something. Right?

Hola!!

I'm in a better mood today.

Whew - - those ugly days are intense.

I am going to sign off for a bit to clean. No twenty minutes. Just clean until it's done. This house is going to *sparkle* when I'm done. I have laundry to do, too.

The kids are gone until 1:30 - - so...

I'll report back this afternoon.