Breathe.

My legs feel heavy today and my abs hurt.

Why do my abs hurt?  I jogged.  And walked.  That's it.  This happened last time, too.  I don't think my breathing is right.  I think I tense up when I hit the jogging phase of the program.

I'll test it out tomorrow.

Just breathe.

This applies to a lot of things.  Me needing to just breathe.  Relax and breathe.  Let God have the stuff that is weighing me down.

I've been really worked up for a couple of weeks about something.  I didn't realize how much it had consumed me until I spilled the beans with a friend.  Before I knew it - - the words just started coming out.  My frustrations, my hurt, how much I've been feeling on edge...  I've been incredibly uncomfortable.  Someone distant from the problem gave me some incredible perspective.

And it's this:

God made me for who I am.  He made me to be me.  Not to pretend to be someone else.  Not to conform to who I think others want me to be.  Just be me.  God loves me.  I am free to be me.

It was like the weight was instantly lifted off of my shoulders.  I don't feel "off" anymore.  I feel so much better.

Ahhhhhhh.

Now I can breathe again.

Back to Training!

I started back with Couch-to-5K today.

My body and mind needed this today.  Workout endorphins are the BEST.

I started all over and even switched trainers.  I used the zombie trainer.  Heh.  He wanted to eat my brains.  Not today Mr. Walking Dead.

Here was today's playlist:

Porn Star Dancing
Respect
Talk Dirty to Me
Welcome to the Jungle
Jessie's Girl
The Cup of Life
O Fortuna (Don't judge me.  Try it.)
Free Your Mind

I definitely should have tweaked my playlist before I started.  I'll be doing that later today.  Now, I am going to tackle another one of my goals and go guzzle some water.

Oh yeah - -

Dear Makers of Zyrtec,

Thank you.  I didn't sneeze one time while I was on the treadmill.  You rock.

Love,

B

Mixed Feelings

I got word today that our Mom's column wasn't picked up again for this year.  We got scrapped.  Budget cuts or something like that.  And I totally understand.  It's a shame that our column didn't generate enough "hits" or "comments" to warrant our presence for another year.  I always got tons of compliments here, on Facebook and in person.  Mr. B got them from people he knows, too.  So I think people enjoyed what they read.  At least I hope so.

I'm sad that it's ending.  I'm not sure if I'll receive anymore freelance offers from them.  I'd like to think I will.  But who knows?

I guess it's a signal that it's time to move on.  I have some big dreams and big plans.  And I've felt the pull, stronger than ever, to move forward.  Starting from scratch.  Sort of.  But putting the wheels into motion now.  It's like my hand was forced.  Perhaps a larger audience is in my future.

All I can do is try.

So that's where I am.

Thanks Standard Times for the opportunity.  You took a chance on an unknown writer.  And I was very blessed by it.

Onward and upward I go.

Productivity

I just cleaned out my inbox and balanced my checkbook.  Like a boss.

Later today I plan on actually getting dressed and putting on make-up.  *gasp*  I know.  Insanity.  I haven't had make up on in a couple of weeks.  My skin is thankful.  But I wonder if Mr. B is.  He says he doesn't care.  But I kind of want to look pretty today.  Not sure why.  For me?  For him?  For us?  Who knows?

Laundry next.  Yee-haw.

I am B - - Domestic Goddess!

So, one of my "resolutions" was to clean more.  Not just make things neat.

I was cleaning up from lunch and went to put something away in the refrigerator.  I was like, "This is absolutely disgusting!"  And it was.

So I started throwing leftovers away.  Then I started checking expiration dates on bottles.  I became a machine.  I threw away a ton of crap.  Then, I emptied shelf by shelf out.  I took each shelf out and washed them out in the sink.

Mr. B made a comment on his way out the door this morning that he wanted to get some lettuce for some salads but he didn't know if there would be room in the fridge.  (He buys the huge pack of Romaine at Sam's.)  Oh, there's room now, Baby!  He's going to love it.

Who wouldn't love this:

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Voila!  (Notice how that word is spelled?  It's not walla.  I'm just saying.)

That's right.  Organization and clean.  I have a serious case of the glees right now.

I am happy, happy, happy.

Cheese! It's January 1st!!

Scoff at "resolutions" if that's your thing.  I like them.  I don't know that I actually call them resolutions.

In actuality, any day can be a fresh start.  We can claim "do-overs" any time we wish.  There's just something about the newness and actual fresh start of the new year.

So - - in tradition with being cheesy and doing "resolutions" I have a few in mind for me.  Here are a few:

1.  I'm going to blog more.  I know I've said that before.  But I'm actually going to do it.  They won't all be long and thought provoking.  As a matter of fact, most of them will be pretty nonsensical.  Just a glimpse of my crazy life.  I can go into more detail here than I can on Facebook.  And I like that.  I vow not to let Facebook completely destroy my blog.  Boom!

2.  I am going to re-start Couch to 5K.  I have my first 5K I'm running in April.  I am NOT ready.  Not even close.  I fell off the wagon a while back.  And then I got really sick.  As a matter of fact, I spent most of December coughing.  Not quite the ab workout I was looking for.

3.  Less internet and TV and more reading.  And writing.

4.  I'm saying good-bye to fast food.  Seriously.  No drive-thrus.  If we're out of town, I'll make an exception.  But in town?  No.  I'm done.  Even if it could be considered "healthy."  It's over priced.  And lazy.  And I'm not doing it anymore.  Plan, plan, plan.

5.  In keeping with number four, I'm going to work harder at meal planning.  Menus.  Even for me when I'm alone at lunch time.

6.  I'm going to drink more water.  It just makes sense.  Good water, too.  Not crappy San Angelo water.  I like Fiji water.  Snooty?  I don't care.  It's yummy.

7.  I'm going to read my Bible more and do devotionals.

8.  I'm going to work harder at cleaning house.  I'm a neat freak.  Not a clean freak.  I would like to be both.

This is pretty sufficient for now.  I'll adapt as necessary.  But right now - - it sounds pretty stinkin' good. And healthy.  Both spiritually and physically.

2013 - - it's ON!

Weird Dream

I had a really bizarre dream last night.

For some reason, I applied for a job at Wal-Mart.  They were BLOWN AWAY that someone of my caliber wanted to come work for them.  They interviewed nobody else and hired me on the spot.  I was being offered $150 an hour to work in their dressing room area.

I was conflicted.

Weird, huh?

Yep. I'm Back.

Blogger.  I tried.  And I wish I knew how to quit you.  (Okay, very lame Brokeback Mountain reference.  Sorry.)

But it's true.  I have stuff to say.  And some things can't be limited to a Facebook post or two.  Know what I mean?

I hold a lot of snark in there because I know who my audience is.  I know that there are kids from the youth group that see my stuff.  While I want to be "real" with them, I want to be responsible, too.  It sucks being a grown up.

What I like about this is I know that if you are reading here, you are doing so of your own doing.  I'm not a blip on your newsfeed.  You purposefully clicked a link to read bits and pieces of my profound wisdom.  Maybe I'm talking to nobody and just getting something off of my chest.  Maybe I need advice.  Maybe I just have something snarky to say.  Who knows?

I'm going to give this another try.

Wait.  Not try.

This:

Stuff To Say

I think I still have stuff to say.

I'm re-thinking this.

I might just keep it private but post.  We'll see.

Shutting Her Down.

Well folks. I truly believe that Facebook has killed my blog. It's a sad, sad day. I'm not deleting it. I've got too much stuff in here that means the world to me. Often, this place was like a diary. I worked through some good times and bad here. And my "fans" have been fantastic. It's just time to close up shop. It will show up as private in about another week. If you would like to continue to read my old entries, please let me know through either Facebook private message or e-mail. I'm only willing to add people that really know me. I promise, I'm not adding secret stuff or anything. I still have my writing for the newspaper, which I will continue. And I already have a few chapter titles for the book I'm going to write someday. I would imagine I'll even pull a few older blog entries for stories for my book. Hence another reason to discontinue blogging. Who knows. I may pick it up again someday. One never knows for sure. Know this - - you guys have meant the world to me. More than you will ever know. Thank you for listening to me ramble all these years. It's been fun. Much love to all of you. B

Shutterfly Rocks!

I've started making these photobooks on Shutterfly. I'll just say it - - awesomeness.