For some reason, Shannon's death has hit me in a big way today. I have no clue why. I just know that I feel this hole deep down inside me. I miss my friend. I miss her terribly.
Our relationship was casual. And by casual, I mean easy. Low-maintenance. We didn't talk every day. We didn't see each other every week. But each time we did speak or see each other, we picked right up where we left off. It was just easy with her. We'd share funny stories and laugh until we cried. She knew things about me that many don't. She loved me, warts and all.
Shannon was my biggest "fan" around here. Seriously. She often joked about cyber-stalking me several times a day. She was a big push behind my blogging. I loved making her laugh. And I loved the encouragement she was always willing to provide.
Her number is still on my phone. I'm still friends with her on Facebook. Her e-mail address is still in my computer.
I remember little things all the time. Conversations. Smiles. Laughter. I remember it all. What I'm most scared of is losing that. I can still vividly see her face answering the door on Saturday nights when we cropped. What if I can't remember these things some day? I know she's gone. I know I can't get her back.
I just miss her.
5 comments:
Thanks for sharing, I'm sure it is difficult and some days are better than others. Maybe you could keep a small journal of things that pop into your mind about her and your time with her. She was awesome and thank you for letting me meet her. Even though I didn't know her very long, she impacted my life, as well.
Your post gave me goose bumps. I can only imagine how you're feeling today. I'm so sorry!!!
I agree with Shawna about keeping a journal. She would LOVE that you are doing that.
Sending hugs to ya!
<3
Totally agree, about a journal. This blog post could be your first entry. What you said, about keeping her as a FB friend, her phone number, her email address - so poignant. It shows she's still "here," with us, in our memories. I hate that she's not here, to talk to, email, to gripe with me about school stuff. I miss her, too!
Thank you so much. I agree - - the grieving process is so weird.
I've only "lost it" twice during this whole process. Once was on my way to the hospital that morning. I didn't want to believe it. The second time was shortly after I got to my Mom. I crumbled in her lap like I was a little girl all over again.
Since then, I've had "teary" type moments. But no more hard core crying. I can't say that any of it is normal. Because who knows? Define normal. A young mom and very good friend of mine had her life cut tragically short.
I think I still live in some sort of denial. I doesn't seem real. But I can assure you. It is real. It is very real.
I like the journal idea. Thank you so much for your love and support.
I sometimes think that's the way it's suppose to be with the loss of our loved ones. You never forget, but you have this really sad day once in a while and then other days where they are in your heart, but the loss isn't as hard that day. KWIM?
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