When God Speaks

There were a series of events that happened over the week that gave me quite a boost in my faith.

Here's the deal. I've been bad about going to church. Again. It's *so* easy when you are out of the routine of going. It's easier to just keep not going. I've used excuse after excuse. None of them worth much at all.

The thing is - - I crave it. And when it's not there, I miss it. A lot. I feel empty. Don't get me wrong. It's not the building. What is church? It's what happens inside the building. It's what happens inside my heart and soul. It's a community of Believers. And while I've complained (ad nauseam) about the bad, those that act self-righteous, the cattiness, the hypocrisy, etc. - - I know that God has called me to be something better. He has called me to not get caught up in the mean and nasty. He has called me to be there to worship Him. Only Him. It is not my place to judge the others or their own reasons for being there.

I have felt very convicted this week to be better. To be who He designed me to be. I've said this before and I'll say it again. I want to be a wife who honors her husband and makes him proud, a mother who loves her children and sets a good example, a daughter who is obedient and follows the way she was trained, a sister who loves unconditionally and works like crazy to maintain relationships from great distances and a friend who is there and demonstrates my love for Christ in my actions. But most of all, I want to be a child of the King and make my Heavenly Father happy.

I don't want *anyone* to see me as holier than thou. I just want to shine. I want to shine for Him. And then for that to trickle down in all of my relationships.

What, you ask, has prompted this "spiritual awakening?" Well, a few things. A phone call from someone I admire, telling me that she has missed seeing me on Sundays. And it wasn't one of those condescending calls where you feel like the words "I missed you" are just code for "I know you quit coming to church." She missed me, Mr. B and the boys. I know she was genuine. And it was nice. Very nice. Very much what I needed at the moment.

Another thing happened last night. A friend (who for quite some time has been kind of an "on the surface" friend) texted me out of the blue and asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with her, her sister and her mother. It may not seem like much. But it was a big deal to me. Just another reaffirmation. (They are very much a close-knit, Godly family. I admire them more than they will ever know.) It was good to relax and laugh with friends.

What does this mean for you, my fan? I don't know. My blog isn't really going to change that much. I still want things to be light-hearted and fun. That's just me. I like to make people smile. And laugh. I want to keep that up. Trips to Wal-Mart will still be eventful, I'm sure. And my boys do things that are blog-worthy all of the time. So it will continue.

Just know that I am human. I am *far* from perfect. That's not an excuse - - just a fact.

Anyway, if you're still reading. Thanks. I try not to "preach" often. You know that. It's just what I'm feeling inside me and I needed to get it out there. Thanks to each of you for your love and friendship. And - - for getting me. I think most of you do. I'm not the easiest person in the world to be friends with. Just know that I value the role that each of you play in my life. Thank you for loving me for who I am. And know that - - I love you, too.