FYI - I am in a very bad mood. I'm doing this for me. I have to get this out of my system. Don't say you weren't warned.
I FEEL LIKE A COMPLETE FAILURE AS A PARENT AND I QUESTION EVERY DECISION I'VE EVER MADE.
I understand that we can't all have G/T kids. Frankly, the whole G/T thing pisses me off anyway. Parents love to flaunt the term and I'm sick of it. Guess what? My kids aren't G/T. My kids don't seem to give a shit about school and I'm frustrated.
I. Blame. Myself.
Major changes are ahead for the B household. MAJOR.
J - you don't want to do your homework? Tough stuff. Suck it up buttercup. You don't like reading? That's too bad. It's a HUGE part of the next twelve years for you. And, hopefully, at least four more after that. How is it that he can't remember ANYTHING from last year? Words like, "at," "in," etc.. Why? Why doesn't he care? I can tell you. It's those damn video games. That's right. I said it. We are paying for not staying on top of it. Buh-bye XBox. Buh-bye Wii. I grew up without that crap and they can, too. We are cracking the whip around here. Big time.
Reading is a gift. The places it can take you in your mind and the things you can learn... It's so important. Just try. Sound it out. Try. If you're confused, ask for help. But at least try. Don't even say, "I can't" before you open the book.
C - tired? FREAKING GO TO BED WHEN WE TELL YOU TO! I couldn't stop him from falling asleep this afternoon. He's exhausted. And stop arguing with me. Your fire drill at school was not at 5:00 today. You weren't there then. He had the nerve to call *me* a liar when I corrected him. Huh? Trust me. You did not have your fire drill at 5:00. Nice try, Mr. Five Year Old Know It All.
Bedtime. Oh my gosh. Bedtime pisses me off. Even if you think you've got all your bases covered, it's not enough. We shower, we brush our teeth, we get one last drink of water, we go to the bathroom, we give hugs. And without fail - - someone gets back up. Someone can't shut down. It's non-stop and I'm sick of it. Go to bed when I tell you to and you won't be so freaking tired and whiny. Get it?
Talking back? When did this get so out of control? I didn't get away with this crap as a kid. Why do I let mine get away with it? These boys are going to learn some freakin' respect even if it kills them. I WILL NOT RAISE DISRESPECTFUL CHILDREN. Watch your mouth. Don't smart off. Don't raise your voice at me. Don't argue. Treat each other with respect. Treat other people with respect. Definitely respect grown ups. Always say "ma'am, sir, please, thank you," etc.
"That's not fair." Damn right it's not. Stop saying it. What's not fair is that I have to hear that phrase no less than eleventy billion times every day. And considering I'm only with them for a few waking hours every day, this is a lot.
Don't like what's for dinner? Again - - tough. At least you have food. And I know it's good food. I'm D.O.N.E. making an alternate meal for either kid. Done. You will not live on Mac 'n Cheese alone while you live in my house. Get it?
I'm sure there's more. Somehow I feel like I've said plenty already.
Please don't report me to CPS. I do not wish harm on my children. What I do wish is for them to learn to become responsible, successful human beings. I feel a tremendous amount of pressure to equip them. And I feel like I am failing miserably.
Please know that I'm not looking for validation here. I'm not looking for "oh poor you" or "you are a good parent." I just needed to get this stuff off of my chest.
If you're still with me - - do you think I've lost my mind?
4 comments:
You can getta "Amen" from me.
It's normal to feel the way you are and frankly I love this post. I'm feeling the same damn way. I've HAD IT with the back talk....Gah! Parenting sucks sometimes. I'm with ya.
I second that Amen. I will even throw in a HALLELUJAH!!
Faith sounded out DAD as uuuussss. I *almost* said a bad word to her. I think I have made one or both girls cry every day of our school year. I am *this* close to enrolling them in public school. But from the sound of things, it may not be any better??
I say, lets all get a pedicure and have a latte and let the men handle things :)
I'm not a parent, but I loved this post, just because of its honesty. I've seen too many parents sugar-coat their experiences, making every OTHER parent feel isolated and somehow unworthy.
I know you didn't ask for this, lol, but I think you're AWESOME. I think your boys are uber-lucky to have a momma who CARES about their education and their future the way you do. They will be better off for having you as their parent. Truly.
You are so on the right track, Becky. If you don't have control forget it when they are big teenage boys. Have you read the Dr. Dobson books. I read them and then had to reread them for the next child because he was so different than the first. I was blessed that video games were not that great when my kids were small and cartoons were only on tv on Saturdays. Hang in there and venting is the best thing you can do right now. It keeps it from building up to the point you want to explode. James read to the kids everynight when they were little and as they got older they then read to him everynight at bedtime. To this day my kids love to read. Good luck and hang in there. It is something EVERY parent goes through so you are not alone. Your children are super precious and blessed to have you as a mom.
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