I really think this "issue" of "weeding" is more about me than anything. I know it may not make sense and I certainly don't intend on freaking anyone out. I guess this is mostly me "thinking out loud."
I have a weird personality. I can be very standoffish. Very. I take my inner circle very seriously. VERY.
Here's the thing. I don't just view friendships as "What's in it for me?" I don't look at any relationship that way. I know that we all have different things we contribute to relationships. And, we can't all give 100% all the time. Life just doesn't work that way. But, and that's a big but (heh) when someone sucks the life out of you - - it's time to re-evaluate the nature of the association.
I often wonder if it's just me. I've talked to my mom about this at length before. I find being friends with (most) women VERY difficult. I can't explain it. What I know is that I've been this way for a long time. I guess since high school. It didn't change in college and it hasn't changed afterwards. What I've also found is that the nature of my male friendships has changed a lot since marriage. I don't begrudge it at all. Mr. B is HANDS DOWN my best friend. He's easy to be friends with. Sure, he gets pissed off sometimes. I'm not easy to be friends with. He doesn't wear his feelings on his sleeve and that's a definite perk. He also doesn't hold a grudge. He says his piece and then we are done. And that doesn't happen often.
The older I get, the pickier I get. I don't have time for nonsense. I don't have time for that which grinds on my last nerve. It's not just a time thing. It's that I don't want to.
My biggest fear is that I'm going to run everyone away with my crazy-ass attitude.
You want to know the irony? I can be a very obnoxious person. I know this. And I can't stand it in other people. How hypocritical is that?
I don't know.
I'm sorry if I freaked anyone out. That certainly wasn't my plan. A chain of things have happened over the past week that just made the branch break. And I don't cope well with indecision. (Especially indecision on my part.)
Gah. I'm rambling.
I'm praying about this. I pray that God leads me in the right direction. That's all I know to do.
Tonight - - I plan on snuggling up with my best friend and watching a movie. I'm going to do my best to talk him into a little Bourne love. That'll cure anything that ails ya.
4 comments:
I haven't had a best friend since getting pregnant with Pace. I've tried, but have been too burned. I thought I had friends before but then I realized I was just the "friend" to dump kids on so they could go to work or shop or whatever. But yeah, I totally feel you on being friends with a lot of women .. which is why I've been friendless since like 17. Kris is my best friend.. my go to guy and friend.
PS: I love your crazy ass attitude, probably because I'm a lot like you. So I get it. I get you.
More hugs. I know you and I love you - for everything you are *and* everything you are not. <3
man... I am so there. I have never been the 'best friend' sort of person... I have lots of friends and some inner circle close friends, but I have never been the just call a girl up and chat with girly talk.
All the way back to even elementary school I had more guy friends....
so: you are not alone. <3
I think it's SO rare, to make strong friendships in adulthood. And I think most people feel exactly how you do, but don't have the guts to voice it. I love your raw honesty. So refreshing.
Truly, of all my FB re-connections with "old" high school friends, you're the one I feel most comfortable with. I never knew back then that we had the same sense of humor and shared so many similar attitudes about things. Very cool! :-)
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