Adult Children Loving Their Parents and Parents Loving Their Adult Children

I guess God thought I needed a heaping dose of perspective. Because He heaped it on me. So much of it.

I'm going to give you the most condensed version I know how. In other words, a potential lengthy post. But I'm going to try.

Both of my parents are in poor health. My mom has been sick for pretty much my entire adult life. Hers all started with a simple abdominal hernia back in 1990 (?). Enter staph infection. Open wounds. Home health. Diabetes. Toe amputations. Cellulitis. Chest pain. Back pain. Crappy knees. Being cut from stem to sternum. She's a hot mess. (She won't argue with any of that. She knows.)

Dad has heart problems. And Diabetes. He's had quadruple by-pass surgery. Stents. Heart caths. Congestive heart failure. Serious stuff.

I know way more medical jargon than I wish I did. I also know what role genetics will play in my future. Good times.

When they moved 90 miles away, I had a tiny coronary of my own. Figuratively speaking. I knew that it would present new challenges. But they had their reasons. And they're adults. So - - get after it. They were happy and it's hard to argue with that.

Enter a few random and stressful health scares. All do-able. And so far so good.

Until a week and a half ago.

Dad called me to tell me he was bringing mom over to the ER. I talked him into using the ER in their town. Which was initially a good idea. Except "THE" (as in the only) CAT scan machine was broken. And a clot needed to be ruled out. She needed to be transported over to my town. I talked Dad into staying home and agreed to meet the ambulance at the ER. She was admitted with the beginnings of pneumonia and what they thought was cellulitis. It's complicated. But anyway, they admitted her.

He traveled back and forth to see her.

She was slowly getting better and on the verge of getting dismissed. That's when she let me know that he was DRIVING HIMSELF OVER because he was having trouble breathing and experiencing chest pain.

He's hard-headed. We had that conversation today.

Praise God we had that conversation today.

Because yesterday, I wasn't sure we'd ever have another conversation again.

He was admitted Sunday night.

Monday morning, I went to visit them both. Conveniently on the same floor of the same hospital. I saw Mom first. We were both worried that we'd heard nothing from Dad. I went to investigate.

He wasn't on the same floor. He'd been moved to ICU. He'd been sedated and intubated. I was called into the little room. The room where bad consults happen. According to his cardiologist, he was very sick. Critical. He needed surgery right then. Did I consent? Did I want life-saving measures? I needed to sign paperwork.

HUH?

(When exactly did I become the responsible adult? I didn't get the memo.)

I walked into ICU and broke down. I'll never be able to un-see him hooked up to so many wires. A machine breathing for him. Him slumped over. I get a knot in my throat just thinking about it. I was able to hold his hand, kiss it and tell him I loved him as they wheeled him away.

Critical. Minute to minute.

I don't care how strong in your faith you are, moments like that rock you to your core. And my mom still didn't know what was going on.

In the meantime, Mr. B had arrived. This man is a rock, y'all. A freaking rock. Strong and comforting. (I married way out of my league, but we can talk about that another time.)

We went together to tell my mom. Her doctor had prepped her for it and was delaying her dismissal until my dad got out of surgery. We cried. I called her pastor who prayed with us over the phone.

We waited in ICU waiting for his doctor to talk to us after the procedure.

He made it out of surgery okay. No blockage. There is no cure for congestive heart failure though. His doctors are working hard at finding the best treatment for him. It won't be easy. But he seems very determined to do the work.

It's been an exhausting couple of weeks. But I still have both of my parents. And I'm so grateful for that. Dad gets another night in ICU, to play it safe. Then hopefully just a couple of days in a regular room. I know he's probably already itching to get home to his pups. And Mom.

It's hard to watch your parents age and experience health problems. I'm sure it's hard for them to slowly relinquish control to their kids as we help them navigate this portion of their life on this earth. It's an interesting place to be as their "kid."

All I know is I had the privilege of spending the day with my dad. I got to help him and love him. And I'm so glad. I needed it. I think he may have needed it, too. His tell? When I told him I loved him, he didn't reply with "thanks." He told me he loved me, too.

I think I may actually sleep good tonight.