Beautiful Mess

I've had to learn some pretty hard life lessons over the past eight months. And while I'd never want to travel that road again, I'm so happy with my destination. I finally have peace. Peace that I haven't had for at least fifteen years. Maybe more.

This crazy life we journey through is beautiful. And messy.

As a Believer in Christ, I know that He is the One guiding my steps. He puts people in my path, and I believe He moves them away, too. While I have free will and the ability to really bone things up, God knows and has preordained my steps. Praise Him for His grace - - His amazing and abundant grace.

Here's what I believe about friendship. A few things I've learned on this journey...

• It is very similar to marriage. It's not 50/50. It's giving 100% every chance you can.
• Don't be a doormat in that process. 
• Other people's definitions of friendship don't have to match yours. What you want/expect/need from a friendship may differ entirely from what I want/expect/need from a friendship. And that's okay! 
• Communication is key.
• When you mess up - - apologize.
• Establish boundaries and honor those boundaries.
• Trust is earned. Once it's broken, it is SO hard to get it back. Be very careful with information you've been entrusted with. Very. Careful.
• Pray for each other. Often. Pray with each other. Don't use prayer as a way to "gossip." 
• Help carry the burden. Don't make it yours. But help. Again with the boundaries. Honor those!
• Spend time together. 
• Laugh a lot. Just because a relationship is fun doesn't mean it doesn't have depth. Laugh and play. 
• Love fiercely.

I have/had some amazing friends before this "friend break-up" that I experienced. I'm so thankful for the ones who stood by me and the new ones that God brought into my life in the process. I'm certain I wasn't easy to be around or talk to. I cried. A lot. What I went through was hurtful. 

I won't pretend for one hot second that I am an innocent bystander who was done dirty. I own my fault in the demise of this friendship. I'm not proud of it. But I do ask you this - - if you've heard things about me that don't quite line up - - go with your gut. There are two sides to every piece of paper. And somewhere, in all of those words in that story is the truth. 

Walking away doesn't mean it was never real. It was very real for me. It doesn't mean I couldn't handle the hard stuff. Quite the opposite. I've been handling the hard stuff for years. All it means is that the journey came to an end. Walking away was the only option. And I'm okay with that. I'm better for it.

My smile isn't fake. It's real. It was quite a journey to find it. It took a lot of prayer, a lot of tears and a lot of love. My amazing husband spoke truth into my life and showed incredible patience and restraint. He has been a rock. My friends have been amazing. You never know how God might take a circumstance that seems insurmountable and make something beautiful and real out of it. 

There are just some things that we'll never understand this side of Heaven. And it's not our job to.

Be authentic.

Walk in obeience.

Give and accept grace.

Choose kindness.

Be faithful.