Why blog?

Something I'm seriously contemplating. Why do I do this?

I enjoy it. I love the release it provides me. Someone the other day mentioned that I don't do it as much anymore. The funny stuff about my trips to Wal-Mart and the such. It made me think. Why don't I? What made me stop? I still blog. Just not like I used to.

And so a period of self-reflection set in.

I know what stole my thunder. And some of you will remember. Vaguely. An incident happened in March. I can't go into the details. Because, this is the written and very public word. How public? I'll never know. There-in lies my problem. Who reads my thoughts out loud? I know that many do and never comment. But how many? And who, specifically? It's begun to "creep me out." And, I guess, give me cause to "censor" myself.

I feel like such a hypocrite, because I was shouting from the rooftops, "Be who you are or don't be at all." The truth is, they are hard words to live by. Here's the thing.

1. I am a Christian. I want to live my life as a good Christian. But let's face it. Christians have bad days, too. Christians think things are funny. I just don't want to ever come off in a manner that might suggest that I'm not a Christian. Or to someone who is not one, make them wonder, why ever become one? She's not any different than me. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to be all "holier than thou." I guess I want my cake and eat it too.

2. I am a person who wears many other hats as well. The B that is a friend isn't always the same B that is a daughter. KWIM? For instance - - My Dad thinks "fart" is a bad word. (Sorry, Dad.) I don't. So out of respect to him, I try not to say that word in front of him. But around my friends, it's a totally acceptable word. Does this mean I'm living two lives? No. It's the same with my blogging. I say some stuff around my inner circle (my peeps) while around others I might be a little more reserved.

Somehow - - the inner circle became penetrated. By lots of unknowns. And some knowns. I just don't know who I'm talking to anymore. And that kind of bothers me.

How will I fix this? I don't know at this juncture. I'm keeping my options open. I just want the freedom to be me, say what's *really* on my mind, and not have to worry about who might see it.

There could be some changes on the horizon. You've been put on notice.